Save The Big Cats

CALNVAK

Ambitions: My ambitions have always been similar to what they are now… but I have to admit, after this new heart condition arose, my perspectives changed a bit.
I want to be an inspiration to other people. I want to leave my mark. I want to be remembered for doing something good. I also thrive to end slavery in America forever! I hope to one day start my own anti slavery organization to help spread the word an raise money to fee the victims of this horrible crime.

Favorite colors: Black and dark purple *looks at her color themes for layout* ... dark blue. Silver. Lots of colors, really. Especially if they are in the same place, like a picture using all the colors.

Least Favorite color: Ummm... puke green?

Favorite Animal: Wild Cats! Out of them either the Jaguar or Cheetah.

Least Favorite Animal: Monkeys... I don't know why.

Favorite Food: Pot Roat!...or pizza... frenchfries... hmmm, or skittles! Love skittles!

Least Favorite Food: Meatloaf

Favorite song:"Learn To Be Lonely"
Music by Andrew Lloyd Webber; Lyric by Charles Hart
. Favorite TV shows: Survivor, CSI, Pirate Master, Ghost Whisperer, Supernatural, Dancing With The Stars... I'm on line so much I have hardly time for TV! OH NO!!

Okay hmmm... fun/interesting stuff about me...

When I was born I had a Heart Murmur. I was the youngest and smallest baby at the time to ever survive. I legally died (my sister says this means my birthday is actually the day I was supposed to be born which was February 14th. Ironic, no?) and everyone said I would die. My mom tells me about it all the time and we even have video tapes about it. Dr. Halpe, my Cardiologist, had to make all the tools he used on this new experiment for me, and tons of medical students came to see. Open Heart surgery would have killed me, leaving it alone would have killed me, everything would have killed me. So, Dr. Halpe fought and got try this procedure. I am glad he did.

I didn’t have a very happy childhood… my mother was always trying to keep us busy (‘us’ being my brother, sister and I) so we wouldn’t have to be around my dad. My father… if the main reason I fight the battles I do. He was constantly cheating on my mom, he didn’t respect her and he hurt her. When they divorced, he turned his attention on us.
For health issues, my brother was the first of us saved from my father’s custody; and my poor brother was there way too long… He’d never been loved by my father, I don’t think. I never remember my father having anything good to say about him, which sure isn’t fair since my brother is a great person.
After my brother got out, one would think my father would have noticed that there was a problem… also, the fact that we used every excuse we could think of not to have to see him… any sane person might look at the situation and ask themselves “Okay… what am I doing?” Not daddy.

I’m sure he thought nothing about these actions. Maybe he thought they were right… who knows. Maybe he can shrug off nearly killing his autistic son. Maybe he can justify ruining his daughter’s life. Maybe he has a good reason for moving out of his room and into the living room. It was a three bedroom house with only 2 rooms being used, but sure… maybe there was a reason he felt the desire to sleep in a room with no door and no privacy, on the other end of the house than where his daughters slept in one room, while a grown man slept in his old room.
Perhaps he didn’t see the issue with letting a man he knew was a pedophile sleep in the room next to his daughter’s bedroom.
How am I to prove he didn’t see what was going on? I mean… I stopped being able to wear nightgowns to bed; I had to wear my jeans while sleeping and still do. I came to him telling him about the man coming into the room at night, waking me up, touching me… but who’s to say that was any proof to him? Dad never did any of that to me, I swear on that. Dad never touched me in that way. He ticked me, but nothing out of hand.
Though, when I started crying and screaming when he’d tickle me, when my teachers started calling about me having ‘emotional issues’ when people touched me… the councilors sure saw the signs. My doctor sure did…
I write because I feel a burning desire, deep in my soul to do so… but without my dear father, the strong emotions expressed in some of my darker work wouldn’t be there. We have his vile abuse to thank for that, I suppose.

Now, the hardest part about all this, is that my dad also had his good qualities, he really did.
My dad picked us up from school once in a miniature horse drawn carriage, no joke! He let us have a few dozen chickens, goats and more as pets. He bought me my donkey after he tried so hard to get me this little filly horse, but we couldn’t afford it. The donkey was a rescue from the Grand Canyon and wasn’t as expensive in the bids, of course. I loved that donkey so much, he was the best pet I had.
My dad did a few things like that. I got Spike, my Australian Sheppard, because I saw him at the live auction and wanted him so badly… so did a lot of people, and Daddy seemed so set that I wasn’t getting a dog… I kept asking the woman questions, but this man pushed me aside to ask his own, and asked the price… Suddenly, my dad walked forward, grabbed the leash and handed it to me.
“We’ll take him.” He said, pulling out his wallet.
I ran around the auction outside the whole time since dogs weren’t allowed inside and everyone wanted this dog… it was so great.

My dad confused me a lot because of things like that… he truly wasn’t always mean, wasn’t always a bad guy… but the bad times outnumbered the good after a while. It’s still one of the reasons I won’t release his name, and his last name is not the same as mine. I don’t want his family connected with me anymore… which might hurt him or them, but they have hurt me so much that my life has been altered from it. So, no, don’t ask who they are. At conventions, lots of people do, and I won’t say. It’s not a legal issue, it’s more of a nobility one. I am loved by my fans, by my friends, by Robin who is my family and that is all I need. I don’t need revenge, I don’t need to spread rumors, I don’t need to involve Daddy with any of this anymore.
The police handled it. It was their verdict and decision for us to be free from him, and while it was me who told on him (though he blames my mom… who wants to think their daughter was in so much fear she told the police on you?) I still believe it was handled by the authorities. They did investigations, he hired a lawyer, the case was argued over and over; he even had witnesses come with him while we had no one. Still the verdict stood... "No visitation"
Daddy and his family can say whatever they want, lie all they want, spread rumors... but I was 13 and the cops said 'this is wrong'. It wasn't mom, wasn't her new husband or his family... in my soul I had to escape and I did.

I first met Hunter at my father’s house.

I was 12 and I was trying to hold the door shut… I no longer remember who was trying to get in, I just remember the panic and despair I felt.
I’d always wanted to be a cat. Not a full cat. I wanted to be part cat, like an anime style catgirl (ears, claws, tail, fangs of a cat, the rest is human). Being half panther seemed ideal to me. I wanted to be able to bled into the shadows and the darkness of my world and be able to fight back… but that night was the first time my mind gave me someone else to aid me.

A voice spoke next to me as I cried, fighting to hold the door closed. When I looked over, there he was. He had electric blue eyes I’d always envisioned my lead male to have, but Hunter was different from anything I’d seen before. His hair was a goldish color, reflecting his jaguar spots perfectly. His hair was also longer than any of my male characters before him; going down almost to his chin in a wild, spikey style. His eyes had slits like a cats; specifically like one of the jaguar cubs in the book I’d been reading a few weeks beforehand.

He was my age, too, another difference between my usual creations. He was… amazing; my ideals for myself turned into an alternate form. He wasn’t light and he wasn’t dark, but a combination of the two. He wasn’t like my vampires, though he did have slight fangs. He had jaguar ears on top of his head and a tail that was tipped in a midnight black.
He had on dark gray jeans with tears in them, patched up black boots, and a gray shirt with the sleeves ripped off. Besides that, he had a silver collar with his name: Hunter.

He told me to keep fighting. We got the door closed and he’s been with me ever since.
When I’m sad or in pain, or just plain tired of it all… he’s always there. I altered my poetry to start talking about a boy… I could put him into my situations because then it seemed less like I was the one living such horrors; like it was all just a story… till the truth came out and the police finally released me from my father’s care. Hunter gave me the strength to tell them the truth and they saw the bruises. Hunter was there as the order of protection was filed.

When I found out about this new heart condition, when the cardiologist told me that without treatment I wouldn’t last a year… Hunter was there. I can’t seem to force his appearance as I can with my other characters. Though I know none of them actually ‘exist’ that they are all just beings created by my mind, I have less control over him than I do of any of the others.
But that day, as I sat there and got tunnel vision, I saw him there, leaning against a corner of the wall and watching me with those determined eyes of his. He seemed annoyed by the doctor’s presence and kept flicking his tail when he altered his gaze to stare at the man. He had his arms crossed till the doctor left and I sat there on that stiff bed/table thing. My mom was outside the room getting information or something, I don’t know… I couldn’t get up. I just wanted someone… to be there.
Hunter was. He sat right next to me as my world crashed down again, just as he had the last time. He was the only one ‘there’ for me that day. As I got in the van, as we drove home and my mother switched from being silent or commenting about something as far away from the current situation as possible, as my every thought revolved around needing someone, he was there.

He was the only one around when I broke and cried for an hour once I got home. He sat with me and was there for me as I ran outside and screamed and cried that it just wasn’t fair.

Of course he isn’t ‘real’. When I see him, I know that. When he has his arms around me, I don’t feel a physical presence… but… I see him. Sometimes that’s enough. If it’s not hurting anyone or yourself, and makes you feel even the slightest bit better, what’s the problem, right? Would Hunter ever replace a physical person? Hard to say. I have a love in my life, Robin, who means the world to me. Hunter can’t ever replace him. Hunter can only replace those who have ever hurt me by showing me I don't need them.

I don’t have a father who loves me, but I have fans because of Hunter who cherish me, adore me and have stood up for me when I get scared at conventions.

What more could a girl like me ever ask for?

Oh! A common question I've been asked, I want to answer right now :) There have been rumors saying "Ravyn Crescent" is a pen name... It's not! My Pen Name is actually Harmony Commerce (... I thought it was cool, I was 13 at the time...) Ravyn Crescent is the name on my birth certificate! I've been informed it's 'weird' but... well, my mother's name is Jhennicea and she's pure blood Inuit Indian, so the names she picked reflect that!

The only people who would call me anything different are from my father's family... and since he was abusive and cruel I don't suggest anyone listen to him, and if he wants to give out his last name… he’s asking for the consequences by anyone who knows the truth. He is a bad man. He made me a slave and destroyed parts of me I have yet to get back, and is the cause of so much loss I'll never again gain. He is the reason I have nightmares and cringe at the idea of a romantic relationship, that I still can't handle being touched and I have to wear jeans to bed... I want no association with him, and will not post his name unless he gives me a reason to... which I hope he doesn't, because I, unlike him, do not want to ruin someone's reputation and life... I do, however, believe the guilty should pay for their crimes, so I'm often conflicted. If he leaves me and my family alone, I'll give him the chance to escape his past life... however, should the abuse continue I'll follow his example and show no mercy.

Ever been so bored that you forget type something?

~*Ravyn

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